Happy Leap Day.
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My phobia is back again... And it's been haunting me.
The only non-living thing in this world that I fear the most - my cello.
No doubt it brings me much joy... But also, very much more agony.
Recently, someone came up to me and said, "Aileen, keep up the good work... I can see that you're on fire."
It caught me off guard. So I simply went "Oh?" in an unintentional nonchalant manner.
Under 'normal' circumstances, I would smile and say my thank you.
Oh well... Those little encouragements are what keep me going when I feel like giving up. Yup, feel like... And not want to because I never thought of giving up on things I have set my heart into doing.
I have to be strong and fight on... Well, everyone has to.
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Monday, February 25, 2008
To complement my Monday blues, I went reading alone at Esplanade tonight... It's great to have solitary moments. Picked up a book by Mary Higgins Clark - one of my favourite authors. At Chapter 3 now, with growing suspense. Hehe.
In the background was the soothing sounds of the piano seeping out of the practice room. One fine day I shall gather my emoest songs and play there by myself. For those who have experienced the joy of playing music, you'd probably be playing it for life.
In the background was the soothing sounds of the piano seeping out of the practice room. One fine day I shall gather my emoest songs and play there by myself. For those who have experienced the joy of playing music, you'd probably be playing it for life.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
The sound of the piano
Cracked the stillness of the night
Filling it with colours!
Hehe.. =) Every time I hear music from the piano my spirit is stirred up! *Can't keep my hands off it!* Hahaha... During the recent lesson, my teacher played me a repertoire and told me that that was going to be my last piece for now until the end of my exam in July... Sian. My heart sank a little... The same feeling when a close friend parts. Sigh... So gotta play it well...
For some reason, I don't like anything electrical sounding hahaha... Like the keyboard... Electric guitar... lol.. Cos it sounds very unoriginal and fake... hahahha... Just personal preference, no offence.
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Learnt a lot this week. Slowly altering my attitude and character. Grateful that I have people who believe in me and give me 2nd chances... I must make the best out of these opportunities to develop more.
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A secret. A responsibility.
Cracked the stillness of the night
Filling it with colours!
Hehe.. =) Every time I hear music from the piano my spirit is stirred up! *Can't keep my hands off it!* Hahaha... During the recent lesson, my teacher played me a repertoire and told me that that was going to be my last piece for now until the end of my exam in July... Sian. My heart sank a little... The same feeling when a close friend parts. Sigh... So gotta play it well...
For some reason, I don't like anything electrical sounding hahaha... Like the keyboard... Electric guitar... lol.. Cos it sounds very unoriginal and fake... hahahha... Just personal preference, no offence.
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Learnt a lot this week. Slowly altering my attitude and character. Grateful that I have people who believe in me and give me 2nd chances... I must make the best out of these opportunities to develop more.
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A secret. A responsibility.
Saturday, February 23, 2008
(V) Cai n I (V)
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Awww... CAI!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY BESTEST FRIEND FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!! (Now that I'm 21, it seems teenish to say "best friend" or to use the word "forever" lol... but for you it's ok =P) I used to think that our friendship was a divine encounter... (You should know why right? Hehe) And I still think so too. It was amazing how we started off from strangers to friends and then 'promoted' to best friends forever Lol... Those 'glorious' days... I'll never forget. Lol...
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Then you brought me to church! After numerous rejections from me, you still didn't give up. I never know why. That was a big turning point in my life and since then I've never left church. Cos one day in the House of God is better than a thousand days in the world.
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8 years of friendship. 8 years of making fun of me. I'm amazed you're still not bored! Lol~ Thanks for sticking around with me, weathering through storms and going through norms. Thanks also for the scrapbook of captured memories!!!!! We have come thus far, from glory to glory lol... Cheers to many great years ahead!!!
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Your faithful friend forever!
Maria/Alien/XiaoBai/Hantu
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Burdens lifted after a 2-hour talk with my cgl till 1.30am last night... Phew~ Communication with our leaders is very important, we get to know the reason behind certain things we do or don't do... And each has something to learn from one another.
So case closed. Moving on to greater heights now.
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Then at crazy 2am, I unzipped my cello bag and started practising (with my remaining ounce of physical and mental strength) for today's rehearsal.. -_- Cos I know I'd be the only cellist... Eric commented that I've improved so I guess it was worth it.
Thanks again for the cello bow, it's so much better than my previous. =)
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Anyway, this is for Zhi Hui (I think you read my blog?). Thanks for the dinner earlier. No matter what you said about yourself, know that I believe in you. Stay strong and fight on. You can do it.
And don't bully me anymore. =P
So case closed. Moving on to greater heights now.
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Then at crazy 2am, I unzipped my cello bag and started practising (with my remaining ounce of physical and mental strength) for today's rehearsal.. -_- Cos I know I'd be the only cellist... Eric commented that I've improved so I guess it was worth it.
Thanks again for the cello bow, it's so much better than my previous. =)
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Anyway, this is for Zhi Hui (I think you read my blog?). Thanks for the dinner earlier. No matter what you said about yourself, know that I believe in you. Stay strong and fight on. You can do it.
And don't bully me anymore. =P
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Some pictures last Sunday night
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So I'm 21. Haha... Still need a little getting-used-to... As I mentioned before, my teenage years were fun but there's something special and interesting in every phase of life. Just perhaps a different kind of fun. ;)
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This year's focus is to:
1) get into uni and start studying again.. (Spells nerd-in-the-making)
2) get over my grade 5 piano exam and take grade 7 next year...
3) lay a concrete foundation for cello... (Should I take exam this year......?)
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Playing music is bittersweet. It can cause much agony and yet much blissful joy too. But right now I'm leaning towards the former side. Embarking on a music career in Sg seems almost unrealistic. Many times I feel mentally distressed just thinking about my music journey. Should it be Passion over Practicality or vice versa?
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Well, whatever it is, I will not give up and will continue this walk for as far as I can go. (Yes Mdm.) My dream is still very much alive and kicking! =) Thanks for your enouragement~
I've always been a fighter. Yes, many times I've failed... But I never like/want to quit. I make sure I stay commited to the things I put my heart into.
However... Recently, I am losing hope in a few things. Have I lost the strength to carry on? Or does it even matter if I stay on?
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Sometimes I don't know anymore.
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I keep telling myself to think of the primary reasons why I wanted to do certain things. That helps a lot when I feel like giving up. Hang on to the vision, hang on to the dream.
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But how long can it last?
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It's easy to walk away when difficult situations arise. I've been told, people would naturally choose the way with less resistance. But... I really don't want to do that. I want to walk the narrow path.
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Nobody said it was easy.
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It's never about me anyway. It's more blessed to give than to receive. We all know this. I'd want to think that it means the giving of oneself as well.
Wow, what a revelation.
However... Recently, I am losing hope in a few things. Have I lost the strength to carry on? Or does it even matter if I stay on?
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Sometimes I don't know anymore.
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I keep telling myself to think of the primary reasons why I wanted to do certain things. That helps a lot when I feel like giving up. Hang on to the vision, hang on to the dream.
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But how long can it last?
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It's easy to walk away when difficult situations arise. I've been told, people would naturally choose the way with less resistance. But... I really don't want to do that. I want to walk the narrow path.
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Nobody said it was easy.
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It's never about me anyway. It's more blessed to give than to receive. We all know this. I'd want to think that it means the giving of oneself as well.
Wow, what a revelation.
Monday, February 18, 2008
Hahahahaha, A BIG THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO MADE MY 21st BIRTHDAY SUCH A MEMORABLE, AWW-SOME AND FUN/FUNNY ONE!!!
LOL...
Thank you for organising and coordinating everything!
Thank you for all the gifts as well!!! Hehehe... THE CELLO BOW TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL...
But above all, thank you for the friendships!!!! Lovess...
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Hope your Monday is friendly to you. Hehe.
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LOL...
Thank you for organising and coordinating everything!
Thank you for all the gifts as well!!! Hehehe... THE CELLO BOW TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL...
But above all, thank you for the friendships!!!! Lovess...
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Hope your Monday is friendly to you. Hehe.
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Friday, February 15, 2008
*poof*
I'm turning 21 in a few more hours. Haha. Nice.
Frankly speaking, I feel indifferent or rather nonchalant. Hahaha, the 'addition' of my birthday on top of CNY and Vday makes me feel like I'm running a 'celebration' marathon. Perhaps by tmr I've already cooled down haha.
Anyway, I've always questioned others and myself, what is the significance of turning 21? That everyone has to have big parties? (Btw, I'm so honoured+shy that the nation is throwing a Chingay parade tmr Lol.. Thank you thank you... Lol...) Is it an entrance to adulthood? Or the beginning of living a 'real' life in the 'real' world? Hmmm... Anyone knows?
Hehe, whatever it is, I'm really looking forward to being in my 20s!!! ;)
I'm turning 21 in a few more hours. Haha. Nice.
Frankly speaking, I feel indifferent or rather nonchalant. Hahaha, the 'addition' of my birthday on top of CNY and Vday makes me feel like I'm running a 'celebration' marathon. Perhaps by tmr I've already cooled down haha.
Anyway, I've always questioned others and myself, what is the significance of turning 21? That everyone has to have big parties? (Btw, I'm so honoured+shy that the nation is throwing a Chingay parade tmr Lol.. Thank you thank you... Lol...) Is it an entrance to adulthood? Or the beginning of living a 'real' life in the 'real' world? Hmmm... Anyone knows?
Hehe, whatever it is, I'm really looking forward to being in my 20s!!! ;)
Happy Belated Valentine's Day to all. =) Could you feel the love in the air last night? Lol...
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Talking about musicianship, it's a sad truth that you have to have $$$ and lots of them to learn and play music. Otherwise, you just have to sacrifice some unnecessary luxuries (i.e taking cabs, buying stuff you don't really need..) Thus, it's good to have talents but ultimately it's the $$$ which unlocks the talents and potential in us. Then other 'environment' factors come in, like a condusive place to have quality practices in, to be totally withdrawn from the world for just a while with your instrument. Perhaps, that's too much to ask for in Singapore.
Being almost financially independent (except for HP bills) for a year already, I would say it was a real struggle in the beginning when I bought my cello and paid for my cello and piano lessons. But it was a worthwhile sacrifice. =) I don't feel that I've wasted a cent. It's true that $$$ can't buy us happiness (ya cliche...) cos only God can fill that portion of emptiness in our heart with incomprehensive joy, yet $$$ can enable us to achieve a seemingly far-fetched dream.
For those who are interested in learning music, please do!!! So the the 'supply' will increase... And for those who can teach, please offer a 'spoil market' rate!!! -_-... Lol.... I am really blessed to have my current piano teacher, who is not only passionate about imparting her skills & knowledge, but also gives me 10 extra minutes (almost) every lesson. That is a lot considering I have 40 mintues FOC with her each month. *Grinning like a fortune cat* So I must do her proud and not waste her time. Yup... At least do my best... =)
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Talking about musicianship, it's a sad truth that you have to have $$$ and lots of them to learn and play music. Otherwise, you just have to sacrifice some unnecessary luxuries (i.e taking cabs, buying stuff you don't really need..) Thus, it's good to have talents but ultimately it's the $$$ which unlocks the talents and potential in us. Then other 'environment' factors come in, like a condusive place to have quality practices in, to be totally withdrawn from the world for just a while with your instrument. Perhaps, that's too much to ask for in Singapore.
Being almost financially independent (except for HP bills) for a year already, I would say it was a real struggle in the beginning when I bought my cello and paid for my cello and piano lessons. But it was a worthwhile sacrifice. =) I don't feel that I've wasted a cent. It's true that $$$ can't buy us happiness (ya cliche...) cos only God can fill that portion of emptiness in our heart with incomprehensive joy, yet $$$ can enable us to achieve a seemingly far-fetched dream.
For those who are interested in learning music, please do!!! So the the 'supply' will increase... And for those who can teach, please offer a 'spoil market' rate!!! -_-... Lol.... I am really blessed to have my current piano teacher, who is not only passionate about imparting her skills & knowledge, but also gives me 10 extra minutes (almost) every lesson. That is a lot considering I have 40 mintues FOC with her each month. *Grinning like a fortune cat* So I must do her proud and not waste her time. Yup... At least do my best... =)
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
What do you call the "#" sign?
The # symbols is often referred to as a "number sign" or "pound sign." Its actual name is an octothorpe.
What is a 'bumper sticker?'
In trucking circles, a "bumper sticker" is a tailgater who is following another vehicle too closely.
How much can a camel carry?
Traveling at a rate of 2 to 3 miles per hour, camels can carry 500 to 1,000 pounds on their backs. They are able to keep up this pace for 6 or 7 hours a day. Camels will refuse to carry loads that are not properly balanced.
How strong is an ant?
An ant can lift 50 times its own weight, which is equivalent to a human being pulling a 10-ton trailer.
How large are our lungs?
The lungs of an average adult, unfolded and flattened out, would cover an area the size of a tennis court.
-ArcaMax Trivia
Some random stuff. =) To revive my blog a little. Lol...
The # symbols is often referred to as a "number sign" or "pound sign." Its actual name is an octothorpe.
What is a 'bumper sticker?'
In trucking circles, a "bumper sticker" is a tailgater who is following another vehicle too closely.
How much can a camel carry?
Traveling at a rate of 2 to 3 miles per hour, camels can carry 500 to 1,000 pounds on their backs. They are able to keep up this pace for 6 or 7 hours a day. Camels will refuse to carry loads that are not properly balanced.
How strong is an ant?
An ant can lift 50 times its own weight, which is equivalent to a human being pulling a 10-ton trailer.
How large are our lungs?
The lungs of an average adult, unfolded and flattened out, would cover an area the size of a tennis court.
-ArcaMax Trivia
Some random stuff. =) To revive my blog a little. Lol...
Friday, February 08, 2008
A very Happy Chinese New Year to everyone!!!
Hope it's been a great celebration for you.
The best part about this year's cny is that we have a good FOUR days off, other than that it's pretty much 'normal' for me. And like every other events when Chinese families get together, someone is bound to say something unpleasant. Very much like the typical Chinese dramas you see, but maybe slightly less dramatic.
Hence, the best policy (action or procedure conforming to or considered with reference to prudence or expediency www.dictionary.com) is to just shut up and act blur. =) Plus I'm not really interested in knowing things I don't have to know. Yup... Eh but I love the company of my family members, it brought back a lot of childhood memories hehehe....
Anyway, haha. I love today cos I could freely nua at home doing things I love!!!!!! HEHEHE... That was mainly playing the piano as loudly as I wanted. The vision of playing for Jeff during his wedding is quite thrilling and keeps me motivated. So gotta learn a few lovey dovey songs now... Lol.. Any suggestions? Ultimate decision is of course up to him. Hahaha...
So many more things to celebrate.... lol... Life is indeed a big celebration waha...
Hope it's been a great celebration for you.
The best part about this year's cny is that we have a good FOUR days off, other than that it's pretty much 'normal' for me. And like every other events when Chinese families get together, someone is bound to say something unpleasant. Very much like the typical Chinese dramas you see, but maybe slightly less dramatic.
Hence, the best policy (action or procedure conforming to or considered with reference to prudence or expediency www.dictionary.com) is to just shut up and act blur. =) Plus I'm not really interested in knowing things I don't have to know. Yup... Eh but I love the company of my family members, it brought back a lot of childhood memories hehehe....
Anyway, haha. I love today cos I could freely nua at home doing things I love!!!!!! HEHEHE... That was mainly playing the piano as loudly as I wanted. The vision of playing for Jeff during his wedding is quite thrilling and keeps me motivated. So gotta learn a few lovey dovey songs now... Lol.. Any suggestions? Ultimate decision is of course up to him. Hahaha...
So many more things to celebrate.... lol... Life is indeed a big celebration waha...
Saturday, February 02, 2008
Some random pictures...
Korean snacks that my Dad brought home.. Looks nice but not. Lol....
Cute Japanese sweets @ Taka podium with Mum
First try at Chinese calligraphy!!! But kena-ed big time from Marilyn, though I think it's not bad lor. LOL.. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Piano @ Fullerton Hotel
@ Chinatown. *Whistle*
@ Yong Siew Toh Conservatory Concert Hall with Leon today. Watched the grand finals for concerto competition between a pianist, flutist and violinist. The violinist won... Lol. My dream ignited a little bit more again...
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On the way home, I realised I have to put in double (or triple) effort in my piano and cello... Sigh.
Some things that are coming up...
- Music theory exam in March
- Orchestra performance in March (Maybe?)
- Orchestra concert in June
- Mini-concert for CG in June (I think...)
- Piano exam in July
- Jeff's wedding in September
- JAMs???
- Zone???
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Now that I have listed them... I'm awakened. Fully awakened. I can feel it... The weight upon my shoulders... And I have to be responsible for the sound I produce.. Yes. *Heave a sigh of stress*
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Whatever things you can do, do your best.
Let God do the things you can't do.
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I will always remember this.
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